On a snowy November day, my daughter Kit and I were dividing four boxes of tree ornaments between us. Kit, now living independently, was eager to set up her own Christmas tree. As we unpacked the decorations, it brought back memories of past losses and the children who were no longer with us during the holidays.
Over eight years, our family grew and shrank with the arrival of 23 foster children. Most stays were temporary, and amidst fostering, our two children joined our family through adoption. I was amazed to discover that Kit remembered the stories behind each homemade ornament, even for those crafted by strangers. It was surprising to find out that her holiday recollections differed from mine.
As I uncovered a tree topper received during our first Christmas as newlyweds, memories flooded back. The crack on the angel ornament symbolized not just its fragile state held together by Krazy Glue, but also the irreparable cracks in my marriage. Passing it to Kit, I questioned if she would want it given its delicate condition. Her eyes sparkled beneath her reindeer hat, expressing her desire to keep it.
Reaching into another tin, I found a Santa sleigh and reindeer ornament made by one of the foster children we once cared for. It was a bittersweet moment, recalling the failed court motion for his permanent wardship after years in our home. Despite the separation, we hoped he knew of our enduring love for him.
Sensing my emotions, Kit took the Santa decoration from my hands, reminiscing about how it was always placed low on the tree for her to play with. She admired the red pipe cleaners resembling flames at the back of the sleigh, reminiscent of a movie scene.
Our approach to inclusive holiday celebrations for foster children was deeply ingrained in our family traditions. By adjusting our Christmas dinner dates, we ensured the foster children could spend time with their families during the holidays without feeling left out. Each child received unique ornaments as a symbol of our time together, giving them the choice to keep it or take it with them.
Unwrapping a reindeer ornament made of pompoms and quirky materials brought back memories of my son’s playful nickname for them. Dividing Christmas ornaments during my divorce years ago was not new to me, but Kit’s heartfelt connection to Rudolph highlighted the enduring impact of our family’s past experiences.
As we decorate the tree this year, I look forward to seeing it through Kit’s joyful perspective, knowing that her narrative will overshadow any lingering sadness associated with each ornament. I am excited to witness her tree come to life.
